Do you ever catch yourself lashing out, using sarcasm as a shield, or feeling passive-aggressive when you’re annoyed? Maybe you’re the type who bottles it all up inside, or perhaps your anger often turns into tears because you don’t know where to direct it. Anger, when left unchecked, can be overwhelming and difficult to manage. If you’re finding it hard to control these emotions, seeking anger management in Ottawa can provide you with the tools to handle your anger constructively and regain control over your reactions.

The first step to anything is realizing your feelings and how you react to them. Are people around you avoiding talking to you in case you explode? Do you immediately start cursing, yelling, or feeling like your blood pressure goes sky-high very fast once you start feeling angry? Do you feel like you need to punch walls to feel relief? There are so many ways to express anger once you feel it. If you have come to the point where you feel like enough is enough, and you need to deal with how you blow off your steam, then there are some ways where you can calm yourself without explosions or internal fires.

Anger does not mean you are a bad person, and it does not mean respect

Let’s get something straight. Just because you have negative outbursts while you are angry, it does not make it a fact that you are a mean person or that you are a bad person. It just means that you need to find alternative ways to decompress, communicate and resolve the tension you are feeling in the moment.

However, being loud, threatening or getting closer to someone’s face DOES NOT mean that you will force someone to respect you by intimidation. Trying to scare someone into listening to you will not work.

Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

Ambrose Bierce

Ways to prevent or minimize anger

Think:

As mentioned earlier, realizing that you struggle with your reactions to your anger is the first step to moving forward. Knowing the issue can help in order to take action and work slowly in resolving the problem. You have to be mindful and open to the reality that you are struggling with this. Every time you are in a situation that provokes you or just starts bringing the anger out, you must give yourself a chance to think. What is it in that moment that is triggering you? How are you feeling and how is it that you want to react? Is your reaction going to solve anything? Is it worth arguing? How do you make the other person feel by responding to the situation?

Communicate:

Once you have had your little inner conversation and have a thought process instead of an immediate negative reaction to a situation, you can be more open to communication. Express how you feel in that moment to the other person. You can also break down what is happening by describing what is making you angry, how you want to react, and how you would like to resolve things. If you do not know how you want to resolve it or do not know what is bringing the anger out, express that too. If the other person you are in conflict with is rational, they might even help explain things or see things from a different perspective. Being open does not make you vulnerable. You have to consider, of course, the situation you are in and the person you are speaking with, but it does not mean you should react aggressively whenever you are angry. Don’t act. Talk.

Meditate:

Focus on your breathing. As soon as you feel angry and you’re able to think things through instead of reacting to them, breathe. Count 5 seconds while breathing in and 5 seconds by breathing out. Close your eyes and picture a happy and calm place. If you can, block any negative thoughts. If you can’t, push the negative thoughts away by saying positive ones to yourself. Tell yourself how you can remain calm, and you can do this. Focus on the good things about yourself and how you are proud of them. Do this for 10 minutes. Try to do this every day regardless of whether you are in an argument or not. You can wake up first thing in the morning or plan it right before you sleep.

Forgive:

When we hold onto anger, it will build up. The more it builds up, the more you will tend to explode, lose control and just not be able to have a handle on things. What do you need to do? Well, one step is to let it go. As difficult as it sounds, you have to forgive. It could be to forgive the person you are mad at, or it could be also to forgive yourself. You might have a lot of regrets about how you have been coping with your anger, which in turn may make you more angry. Forgive and try to move on.

Nothing will get resolved when you are in a heated argument where emotions and negative behaviours are taking center stage. If you can not have a relatively calm conversation with another person and instead want to yell, scream and tell the other person off, then nothing will come out of it other than hurt feelings. In that moment, when either of you or both of you are losing control, the best reaction to the situation is to leave. Leave the room and go to another one or go take a walk. Tell the person you can not do this right now, and you will return once you feel calm. This will “force” you to not continue a toxic way of handling your anger; you will be away from the person who will calm you down, and you can come back once you feel better equipped to have a proper conversation.

Ask for help:

It is NEVER too late to ask for help, and it is not something to be ashamed of. Recognizing that you have difficulty dealing with situations does not make you weak, incapable or unwanted. It just means that you are one step closer to being able to work on it, improve it and eventually eliminate it through persistence, effort and guidance. If you feel you need the extra support and cannot work on your anger successfully, ask someone willing to listen to you and provide you with the proper tools to give you that extra hand.

Ready for emotional regulation? Want help to control your anger and improve your relationships? Our anger management therapy in Ottawa will give you the tools you need to achieve lasting calm. Take charge of your emotional well-being—book your consultation now.