Have you ever struggled with your own sense of self-worth? Was there a time in your life when showing kindness and compassion for yourself took all the effort you could possibly muster? Everyone experiences a lack of self-worth at some point in their lives. Sadly, some of us continually face thoughts and feelings of being unlovable, toiling with low self-esteem, and lack of self-acceptance. But what is going on internally when we think negatively about ourselves, and how does this affect our behavior and relationships with others? If you find yourself grappling with these feelings, it might be time to consider self-esteem therapy in Ottawa to help you rebuild your sense of worth and foster healthier relationships.
What is self-worth?
Self-worth and self-esteem can seem abstract concepts, but they are interchangeable and the basis of what influences our life choices and decisions. Dr. Christina Hibbert states, “Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing ‘I am greater than all of those things’. It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life and of incomprehensible worth” (2013). It is possible to feel “high self-esteem,” or in other words, to think I’m good at something, yet still not feel convinced that I am loveable and worthy. It refers to our beliefs about ourselves and our values.
Recently, I read an article about the characteristics of people with a deep sense of self-worth. Something they all had in common in their relationship with themselves and with others… was genuine kindness and readiness to be of service and a lack of negative judgement in their relationship to others and themselves.
So where does self-worth come from? It’s developed as a child from messages originally received from our parents and caregivers. In their actions, their affection towards us, guidance, time and generosity, we take heavy cues as children to foster security and acceptance and learn how to treat others. On the other hand, criticism, broken promises, looks of disappointment or exasperation can have the opposite effect. We develop a lack of security about our own acceptability and worth as a person. Self-worth is what motivates us to take care of ourselves, strive towards goals and reach our full potential. It is what makes us resilient in terms of overcoming adversity or setbacks.
As we become young adults, we tend to rely on receiving self-worth from relationships with friends. As adults, self-worth tends to derive from what we give to others. What we believe about ourselves will matter more than what people tell us. No matter how desirable or loveable others tell us we are, the degree to which we are able to receive positive and loving messages is based on our ability to accept ourselves.
How do you increase Self-worth?
Here is an analogy of self-worth. Think of someone who really loves cars. Because cars are important to them, they take really good care of them —thinking carefully about where to park their car, getting it serviced and keeping it clean, and driving with due care and attention. They may even outfit the car with trim kits and show it proudly to people. Self-worth is like this, except it’s yourself that you love, care for and feel proud of. When you believe in yourself and know you are valuable, you take good care of yourself.
When considering how to increase your self-worth, here are some things to practice in your daily life:
- refrain from gossip and judgement
- practice calmness and self-discipline
- do no harm to others with your words and your actions
- cultivate kind thoughts, positivity and gratitude
- practice forgiveness
- respect others
In the CBC documentary, “Babies: Born to be Good,” Dr. David Suzuki shows how children as early as nine months old are able to make moral choices that we never thought possible. There is a conclusion that humans have an innate tendency towards acts of kindness and goodness. So what does this mean? Taking an honest look at our intentions and behaving in ways that align with our soul-nature so that we may feel good about ourselves is a critical basis for self-worth.
Accessing our innate goodness and increasing our capacity to love and respect ourselves and others is also about experiencing peace and calmness. So practicing meditation, silence, and stillness helps us create inner peace and acceptance. When we internalize our attention, we connect with our highest self.
The path of self-worth is a life-long undertaking. Our personal rules of moral conduct, our capacity to accept and love others, and our willingness to accept and nurture ourselves all contribute to deepening our sense of self-worth.
Is low self-worth affecting your confidence? At Willow Roots Therapy in Ottawa, our self-esteem therapy helps you build confidence and recognize your true value. Schedule your consultation today and start embracing the incredible person you are with our self-esteem therapy in Ottawa.
References
- Hibbert, C. (2013). Self-esteem vs. self-worth: Q & A with Dr. Christina Hibbert. Retrieved from http://www.drchristinahibbert.com/self-esteem-vs-self-worth/
- Suzuki, D. (Narrator). (2012). Babies: Born to be Good [Documentary]. CBC
